There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
