Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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