you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
