dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
