Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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