i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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