i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
