Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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