that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
