Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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