How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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