I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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