its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
