we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
