make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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