the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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