I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
