I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
