Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
