How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
