What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
