I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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