i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
