You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
