she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize