Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
