At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
