Don't make out with my wife yet
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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