i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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