I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
