sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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