Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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