Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
