I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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