I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
