Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
