Where did you get a picture of my penis
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
