Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
zippers are such a cool invention
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
