I accidentally had phone sex last night
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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