The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
