Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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