You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize