You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize