You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
