Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you bring me the toilet please
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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