I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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