I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
