are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
