I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
