Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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