All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sarcasm needs its own font
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
