I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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