I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
