I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
