Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
