were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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