i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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