i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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