Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am available for nakedness
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
