Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize