So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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