i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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