sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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