I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
