I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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