you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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