Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
