My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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