Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
