Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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