You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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