Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
even my farts smell like vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
