margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Where is the hickey?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
