You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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