You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
