were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
