"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize