you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
