Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize