meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
