Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
