Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
