When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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