my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
