just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
