Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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