Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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