Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
