I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
