Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
