I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
